What is right??

What is the right thing to do?? Is it right to fight for someone but at the same time hurting the ones you love?? Is what you are doing now hurting or helping the ones you love?? Is this what they want you to do?? Are we doing the right thing??

I don't know... i'm feeling so confused right now... hmm... not really confused but more like being at an intersection and not knowing which path to head down... the first road is the path most taken, the path i should take, but also the path that the ones we love may not agree to... the second path is the less-chosen path, it won't cause grief and dread to the ones we love but is this what they really want??

How simple will life be if everyone just speaks their mind... tell me, what do you want?? which path should i take?? then this world will be free of conspiracy, misunderstandings and backstabbings... i would rather everyone tell of my faults straight to my face than to spread rumours behind my back... if you want someone to listen to you, speak up... don't whisper to the person next to you...

Tired of waiting, I was crazy for you...I am still crazy for you and I will keep on waiting...
내가 기다릴께

ONE

If i were to equate today as something, today would be like a really high waterfall... starting at the top, the view was beautiful... absorbing the breathtaking view, taking in the atmosphere, with overflowing confidence and expectations, you jump... then all of it just disappears as you close your eyes, resisting the force of the wind and splashes of water all over your body... there is no turning back... there's only one way you must head - DOWN... seconds, minutes pass... finally pain sears every inch of your skin as you hit the cold, freezing water so hard that you lose your senses for awhile... fully submerged in water, you struggle to get your head above water so you can take that breath you did not manage to take before you hit the water... when you finally gain consciousness, you begin to wonder how that trill of exhilaration at the top ended up as a battle with the forces for your own life...

Today was like that... started the day full of expectations, finally the wait was over, something is going to happen, seven would be one again... instead, seven was still six... that was when the day leaped from the top of the waterfall... it started to go down, and further down when five became two... and further down when two was divided... why does it have to become so complicated?? SEVEN is not six, FIVE is not two... they are all ONE... seven is ONE, five is also ONE... is ONE that hard to count??

Tomorrow... i don't know if i want to look forward to it... i'm scared it would be bad news again... i mean, at this stage, is good news even possible?? we can't defy gravity... we can't suddenly just stop in mid-air and propell ourselves back to the top... or can we?? in my life, everything, or most, usually ends well, no matter how bad it was... but this time, i'm not sure... because it's not up to me... i didn't want to jump... but i had to do it...

Now it makes me wonder... what would i be doing, feeling right now if it wasn't for them?? would i be the person i am today, or that girl from five years ago?? would i be here on my bed typing this, or would i be typing something happier?? something so small can change a person... looking back, if i were to have chosen the roads which i didn't take, i can imagine how different i would become from the person i am now...

Looking back, i chose the roads less chosen, and i do not regret it at all... because they were all my choices, my decisions... like my favourite saying,

" The only things you regret in life are the risks you didn't take..."

Has anyone seen a bunny who's short and looks like he's from Seattle around here somewhere??
Cause one of my bunny is missing...

Recognition...

RECOGNITION... is it really that important?? must all the work and creation of someone be appreciated and awarded?? should we put pride in our projects??

At first i thought that it doesn't matter if the rest of the world do not like our ideas or project... it doesn't matter as long as we are proud of ourselves, for achieving what we thought was the best we could do... we only have to answer to ourselves and no one else... but the truth is, even if you do not expect recognition, your competitors will expect that you want it too...

But having Recognition taken away is different... tonight i felt that kind of feeling... the feeling of having something which is rightfully yours being taken away... yes... "pat zi ze pat zui"... but still... the feeling of not knowing... is also hard to bear... but, what the heck... i don't know what to feel or do... haih... some people really have thick skin... in this situation, i blame myself for not having thicker skin...

Hmmm... COURAGE... another quality i have to work on then... the courage to confront people... the courage to be humiliated... the courage to stand my ground even if everyone says i'm wrong...

To the people who have given up fighting because of what i have said, i'm sorry... it is me who did not have the courage to stand up and fight for what we thought was right... i persuaded you guys into believing that we were wrong and others were right... next time, we are going to fight till the end... and even if we lose, we lose with our heads held high, satisfied with the war we lost...

Well, it's better to fight the war and lose than to never fight at all... another lesson learned...

~Jay, What Time Is It Now??~
Time stopped at 1:59PM

Weekend...

Who can ever imagine weekends to be so restless... isn't it supposed to be a time to relax and not think about anything work or school related?? no... the drama just continues... it's never rest time in University... it's just one scene after another and another... again & again & again...

Life's but a walking shadow
a poor player that struts and frets its hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more
it is a tale told by an idiot
full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.

~William Shakespeare~

Reminds me of this beloved poem we all learned in Form 1... life is but a stage... but every life is a different performance... some are plays, some are musicals, while others may be orchestras or even rock concerts... some are stories that never cease to amaze, some leaves you in tears while some are so unbearable you leave the performance half way through...

If i were to summarize my life as a stage, it would be a orchestra... so many players, sometimes more than ever needed... the pieces keep changing, every one with it's own story to be told... interpretations of every piece may differ from one listener to another, only the composer knows the true meaning behind every note and tune... all controlled by a faceless conductor, intentions unknown...

So that's my life... what is yours?? a rock concert, or a thriller movie?? no matter how bad the story or storyline is written, the story must have an ending... sometimes they say it's already written... but not in this technological era... today, life is not a stage... it's satellite television... you can change the channel anytime... you only have to look for the missing remote control...

~I miss my Wild Bunnies~
When will it be 2:00PM again??

Messy...

Feel the need to clean my bed... can finally sense the urgency to do so... it's in such a horrible, messy, unorganized state i don't even have the words to accurately describe it... argh... when should i do it?? tomorrow morning then... but it would get messy and cluttered again... i wonder what will happen if i don't clean it up... oh yeah... mum will grumble and nag and scold and finally i'm forced to clean it up... what is the difference??

[Yup... that's my bed... thankful that its a Queen sized one... oh and the bear's name is Mr. President... my brother named it... kinda suits it cause it rules my bed when i'm staying at the hostel...]

[A close up shot at the clutter i sleep with every night... can you spot my DBSK and F4??]